American tabloid magazine US Weekly features a page called “Celebs: Just like Us?” with pictures of celebrities either living the high life or doing shockingly mundane things. Let’s do a Middle East version featuring the region’s superstars.
NOT LIKE US!
They drive a red version of the Batmobile, or at least pretend to. I mean, it kind of looks like Lola’s checking her watch….
They get mobbed while attending movie premieres because they’re hot and famous.
They look fresh-faced and trendy while traveling!! #megaJealous
They can afford to pack 11 suitcases, Whereas we have to wear all black, pack one suitcase and call it a day.
They travel by helicopter. Without even a purse or cellphone, because everybody knows who they are and will pay for them.
They take selfies with their dentists and post them on Instagram. This seems to be a trend in the Arab world, but posing cheesily with my doctor is the last thing I want to do after having him/her poke and prod me.
Their school crowns them Prom Queen (let’s face it, we all wanted to be crowned, even if we pretended not to).
They wear a full face of makeup when jumping out of an airplane. Gotta look good for those selfies!
They carry luggage worth more than my apartment.
They bounce on trampolines with their kids in evening gowns, practically begging for a wardrobe malfunction. BTW, Dominique, isn’t your gown getting dirty??
The pose in bulldozers, because nowhere is off limits if you’re a model. And a blonde.
They get to put their feet on the seats of a private jet, because even while traveling in a private jet they don’t have seatmates.
They get to travel by private jet. And every single picture they post while doing so makes us #megaJealous because it’s just not fair.
They (pretend) to ride motorbikes while in Barbie-pink heels and crop-tops that would certainly cause Lebanese motorists to crash and cause a traffic jam.
They can strike an arabesque pose in 4-inch heels while shaking hands with their (equally talented) dog. Maya is one fit lady!
They post no-makeup selfies and look absolutely effing gorgeous. #LifeIsNotFair
They chill out in birdcages, because regular chairs are too boring.
They wash their own cars in high-heels and make sure that at least two people are taking their photo in the process. A lot of Myriam’s outrageous acts might be staged for photo shoots, but they sure are interesting!
They get carried by a glittery moshpit wherever they go.
They cook ordinary dishes in ordinary kitchens (i.e., kitchens that look like they are actually used, not touched twice a year at holidays).
They walk in their graduation ceremony! Congrats, Klodia!
They wear the same dresses we own (sometimes!) like this Zuhair Murad for Mango dress that I bought in….2010.
They browse book stores. I’d love to know if Pascal actually knows English or she’s just pretending to read an English book!
They take a cooking class so their husbands-to-be don’t grimace at their skills (it’s OK, Shatha, you can just hire a personal chef!)
They do touristy things in their own home country, like playing with the snakes (!) in Marrakesh’s Jemaa al Fnaa souq.
They make sure their daughter’s birthday party is out of this world cool, and that she feels like a princess (Nancy’s relationship with her daughters is just too cute!)
They shovel dirt (or more to the point enforce child labor to get the job done). Rola is such a good tante, isn’t she?
They go camping in the wilds of Lebanon, because camping is so much better when there aren’t creatures prowling around to eat you!
They can’t get off their phones while having lunch. C’mon Hind, you’re at Fauchon!
They’re still amazed at the quality (and size!) of Steiff stuffed animals. Which one you gonna choose, Reine?
They party with friends…who just happen to be celebrities too. Hey, birds of a feather flock together!
They like to play tourist and pose next to cool stuff.
They take selfies. Lots of selfies. They can’t stop taking selfies.
They can’t help but take a cruise on the Nile River when they visit Cairo. Hey, there’s a reason why tourists do “touristy” things-they’re fun!
They get overexcited at the thought of eating their birthday cake (in Haifa’s cake, she has not one but TWO birthday cakes!)
They get beauty work done. Because not even celebrities can stop the age process, although Haifa does a damn good job.
They look apprehensive while boarding a roller coaster ride. (Side note: doesn’t Haifa look adorably cute in this pic?!?)
They go for a leisurely stroll on a sunny afternoon.
They smile nervously while waiting in the dentist office, because even being a celebrity doesn’t make going to the dentist any less painful.
They go bowling with their friends for fun (but at least don’t have to wear those dorky shoes like us).
They give back to their communities; after all, there’s only so many galas and movie premieres one can attend….right?
They take the subway! (Side note: I too would love taking the subway if the NYC metro was as clean and pretty as the Dubai metro appears to be!)
They sometimes look like us! Doesn’t Nancy Ajram look sooo much like me in this pic?!? I’m on the right 😀
They agree to babysit and then shake their head in wonder.
They take the train and nobody realizes it…because they only take the train in Europe, where nobody knows who they are.
They all whip out their phones to tqke 1001 versions of the same photo, because 1000 photos are never enough. (In fact I did see one thousand and one photos from this Iftar at the Sofitel Casablanca that Shatha hosted).
They can’t have a conversation with their friends who are sitting next to them because they’re too busy texting (note: my Egyptian ex was the KING of doing this).
They bite their thumb and make bitchy faces at people when asked weird questions (Haifa was on Rating Ramadan here and probably got asked something dumb).
Like us or not? Your call!